Growth is the result of effort

Summary: Change your mindset to prioritize growth by praising yourself for effort, hard-work, and learning. Talk to yourself like a friend, don’t try to be perfect, and engage in positive self-talk. Eventually, you will be making more progress than you ever were with a fixed mindset.

Growth mindset is when you believe you can improve at anything with time and effort. Instead of seeing challenges as an internal problem, you see them as a chance to get better and improve. When facing challenges, you get excited about the learning process. This mentality makes you less likely to quit, and much more likely to hit your goals. Basically, challenge your beliefs about yourself, and switch your fixed mindset (e.g. I’m slow, mediocre at lifting, stupid at writing) to a growth mindset (e.g. I can get faster, I try hard at dating, I’m learning how to write).

Praise effort, not identity

Scientists did a study on kids, and basically split them up into two groups.

• The first group was praised for their identity, e.g. “You’re intelligent and smart”, “You’re so talented”
• The second group was praised for their effort, e.g. “You’re trying your best”, “It’s nice how you didn’t give up”.

They found the second group was more likely to try, to persist, and to succeed. When you get identity-based feedback, you focus on preserving that identity. You keep working to stay smart and talented, so these students chose easier problems to solve.

When you get effort-based feedback, you attach the praise to the effort itself. You are more willing to work hard and make mistakes. So these children chose harder problems and kept improving over time.

The clear takeaway is to praise effort towards goals, and remove thoughts related to identity. I am no longer smart, I am a hard worker who persists towards my goals and doesn’t give up, regardless of outcome.

Examples:

• This code still isn’t working, but I’ve sat here for three hours trying to fix it.
• I’m not rich yet, but I’m working hard to make it happen.
• I’m still single, but I’m putting myself out there.
• My muscles are weak, but I’m working out hard three times a week.

Stop trying to be perfect

Fixed mindset people feel like failure is an attack on their identity. Growth people don’t mind errors, in fact, they enjoy them. They become curious, and start thinking of ways to solve the problem.

Stop beating yourself up. You’re not perfect. Engage in positive self-talk, where you don’t make identity statements about yourself (e.g. never again say “I’m stupid”, “I’m incapable”, or any other negative bullshit like that), and focus only on solving the problem. You may not get it at first, but since you’re now a growth mindset person focused on effort and improving, it’s only a matter of time until you conquer this challenge.

Embrace stress

The final part of growth mindset, a difficult addition, is the view that “stress is enhancing”. Discomfort during effort means that your brain is experiencing neuroplasticity, which literally means your brain will grow and get better. The stressful emotions show that your effort is paying off. So instead of quitting anything that feels stressful, remember that stress is proof that you are improving.

There are some great techniques to embrace and deal with stress in the moment to keep moving forward, many gleaned from the Navy SEALs.

• Breathwork allows us to control our mental state using physical tricks. We can hack our brains to reduce anxiety and calm ourselves down by doing breathing techniques like deep physiological sighs, which are shown to be just as effective as meditation for calming down the mind.
• Visualization is a great way to generate instant motivation. Do it by vividly picturing where you want to get to, and then immediately comparing it with where you are now. The mental contrasting should generate motivation to take action and improve.
• Positive self-talk is crucial. What we tell our selves often becomes our reality. You might as well, it will clearly benefit your life, improve your mood, with almost no downsides. Because if you say you’ll fail, then it’s pretty much impossible to ever succeed.
• Micro-goals are a great trick to keep moving forward. Instead of looking at the big picture, break your goals down into the smallest possible chunks to focus only on what’s right in front of you. Basically, take life one step at a time.

References

• The Navy SEALs define the big four of handling stress: breathwork, visualization, positive self talk, and micro goals.
• Jigoro Kano, the founder of Judo, requested that he be buried in his white-belt, as a way to signify that he was not done learning, and ready to enter the next life, whatever that may be, with a beginner’s mindset.
• Brene Brown says vulnerability is the highest form of courage.
• Hindu wisdom advocates for dealing with emotions in order: starting by facing your fear, and choosing to act when you want to. Next, address shame, and channel your energy into creative outlets rather than addictions. Next, teach your mind to overcome impulse by accomplishing small wins.