What is it?

  • Procrastination
    • Fear of failure leads to procrastination
    • Creates a vicious cycle
  • All-or-nothing thinking
    • Strive for perfect or flawless, almost perfect is seen as a failure
    • Focused only on results
    • High achievers can enjoy the process of chasing a goal as much or more than the actual reaching of the goal itself. Conversely, perfectionists see the goal and nothing else. They’re so concerned with hitting the goal and avoiding failure that they can’t enjoy the process of growing and striving.
  • Depressed by unmet goals.
    • Perfectionists are often less happy than high achievers. While high achievers are able to bounce back fairly easily from disappointment, perfectionists tend to beat themselves up and wallow in negative feelings when their high expectations go unmet. They struggle to move on when things don’t work out the way they had hoped.
  • Being highly critical
    • Have unrealistic standards, often set goals that are out-of-reach
    • Shrug off compliments
    • They are quick to find fault and overly critical of mistakes
    • Often forget to celebrate successes
    • High achievers take pride in their accomplishments and tend to be supportive of others, yet perfectionists often spot mistakes and imperfections, in themselves & others.
    • Defensive about failures
    • Contributes to low self-esteem.
  • Pushed by fear
    • High achievers are often pulled toward their goals by a desire to achieve them. They are also happy with any steps made in the right direction. Perfectionists, on the other hand, tend to be pushed by a fear of anything less than a perfectly met goal.
    • Very hard to start something new since it will inevitably fail.

Can lead to negative outcomes.

  • Tendency to avoid challenges
  • Rigid all-or-nothing thinking
  • Toxic comparisons
  • A lack of creativity
  • Can lead to anxiety, depression, etc.

There are positives. There is a difference between striving for excellence and demanding perfection. Adaptive perfectionists set lofty goals, have high standards, and work relentlessly hard for their success; they are achievement-oriented, whereas maladaptive perfectionists are failure-oriented. Adaptive perfectionists desire growth, enjoy being challenged, and problem-solve well. Their perfectionistic tendencies are a strength, not a weakness.

How to overcome perfectionism? Letting go of the comparison mindset can help people achieve without being beholden.

  • Mindfulness: practice being present in the moment
  • Self-talk: use compassionate self-talk, challenge negative self-judgement
  • Good enough: learn to recognize the point of diminishing returns, sometimes just getting it done is a worthy goal, you don’t have to create the perfect, final word, often it’s enough to just contribute something useful
  • Reflect: identify examples of when you successfully moderated perfectionist tendencies, celebrate your successess and wins in life
  • Checklists: don’t toil in pursuit of an amorphous, far off, perfect goal – create a checklist that ensures you follow a process with SMART measurable targets
  • Break the cycle: notice when your mind starts to mistake spiralling for problem-solving, when it is, seek distractions to break the cycle
  • Friends: find someone you trust for perspective and support
  • Yoga: Get in touch with the body, especially by grounding your body to the earth, and then opening up your eyes and hands to get in touch with your heart.

Take the next step, not the “first” step, take the only step you can actually take, right here, right now, in the present moment.

And check out growth mindset, it’s the antithesis to perfectionism.